Commercial Attack

"Ring"

"Police Department, How can I help you?"

"I would like to report an assault."

"What kind of assault?"

"TV."

"TV?"

"Yes, TV."

"Someone hit you with a TV?"

"No, the TV assaulted me."

"I'm sorry, I am just a little confused.  How did the TV assault you?"

"Well, you see, it's all the new reality programing.  I find it offensive, in bad taste and it assaults my senses."

"So, don't watch it.  That's what the channel selector is for."

"Yes, that's true and I do exercise my freedom of channel selection, outlined in the Bill of Rights, (just after the right to have unlimited nights and weekends on my cell phone.) But that isn't enough any more.  The commercials for reality television sneak up on me and gross me out.  By the time I flip the channel I have already been forced to watch  5 or 10 seconds of somebody eating something God didn't mean to be eaten.  I believe I have the right to watch television without some sit com bim-beauty being covered with snakes or Donny Osmond embarrassing Utah by eating slugs.  

"Well, as much as I would like to help you, I don't think it is against the law to broadcast reality television promos.  Perhaps you should contact the station and voice your objections."

"I suppose that would be one avenue I could take.  But somehow, I feel that a more proactive stance is called for.  You know, like a protest rally to get their attention.  I was at the University of Memphis in the early 70's.  I totally missed the good stuff of the 60's and have always wanted to stage a protest for something I believed in.  But in the 70's  we didn't believe in anything, so I never got the chance.  I did revolt against accomplishment, but it didn't get me anywhere.  Now's my big chance.  I am full of latent revoltism.  When those stupid commercials started, I thought, here is something truly worth being revolting."

"Well, I see your point, sorta."

"I knew you would know what I should do! Please connect me to your person in charge of protest and sit-ins.  I need to make an appointment to revolt."

"Now wait a minute lady, I never told you to stage a revolt.  Besides, Millington Police Department does not have someone in charge of protests and sit-ins."

"There must be some revolting person over there who can coordinate this kind of thing.  Spontaneous group sit-ins don't just happen, you know.  We need a plan, direction, leadership.  "

"Look lady, all we have here is the D.A.R.E. officer and I don't think he can help you."

"Of course he can.  He's perfect.  I D.A.R.E. to protest! Put him on."

"Good grief."