Commercial Attack

"Ring"

"Police Department, How can I help you?"

"I would like to report an assault."

"What kind of assault?"

"TV."

"TV?"

"Yes, TV."

"Someone hit you with a TV?"

"No, the TV assaulted me."

"I'm sorry, I am just a little confused.  How did the TV assault you?"

"Well, you see, it's all the new reality programing.  I find it offensive, in bad taste and it assaults my senses."

"So, don't watch it.  That's what the channel selector is for."

"Yes, that's true and I do exercise my freedom of channel selection, outlined in the Bill of Rights, (just after the right to have unlimited nights and weekends on my cell phone.) But that isn't enough any more.  The commercials for reality television sneak up on me and gross me out.  By the time I flip the channel I have already been forced to watch  5 or 10 seconds of somebody eating something God didn't mean to be eaten.  I believe I have the right to watch television without some sit com bim-beauty being covered with snakes or Donny Osmond embarrassing Utah by eating slugs.  

"Well, as much as I would like to help you, I don't think it is against the law to broadcast reality television promos.  Perhaps you should contact the station and voice your objections."

"I suppose that would be one avenue I could take.  But somehow, I feel that a more proactive stance is called for.  You know, like a protest rally to get their attention.  I was at the University of Memphis in the early 70's.  I totally missed the good stuff of the 60's and have always wanted to stage a protest for something I believed in.  But in the 70's  we didn't believe in anything, so I never got the chance.  I did revolt against accomplishment, but it didn't get me anywhere.  Now's my big chance.  I am full of latent revoltism.  When those stupid commercials started, I thought, here is something truly worth being revolting."

"Well, I see your point, sorta."

"I knew you would know what I should do! Please connect me to your person in charge of protest and sit-ins.  I need to make an appointment to revolt."

"Now wait a minute lady, I never told you to stage a revolt.  Besides, Millington Police Department does not have someone in charge of protests and sit-ins."

"There must be some revolting person over there who can coordinate this kind of thing.  Spontaneous group sit-ins don't just happen, you know.  We need a plan, direction, leadership.  "

"Look lady, all we have here is the D.A.R.E. officer and I don't think he can help you."

"Of course he can.  He's perfect.  I D.A.R.E. to protest! Put him on."

"Good grief."

Foolish Faith 1/2009

I found religion at Walmart today. (You can get anything there) A little explanation might be in order.  I was doing some routine shopping and could not help but notice the after Christmas flurry of decorative, red clearance signs fluttering around the store.  Many customers were taking advantage of the good deals and stocking up on holiday items for next year.

I began to reflect on this phenomena of after Christmas, Christmas shopping.  I am one of those people who marvel at others with enough energy and time to don the house with gay apparel.  I know someone who puts up eleven trees with eleven different themes.  I am hard pressed to do one tree, garland the mantle and throw plaid napkins on the table at dinnertime.  When the season is done (12/25 - noonish), so am I.  But here, at Walmart, I observed basket after heaping basket full of wreaths, pre-lit 7ft trees, and fragile ornaments.  I admit that the prices are tempting but how can you contemplate shopping for items that you won't need for another year? (if then). Particularly, this coming year.  

If you watch the news, you've heard the gloom.  The economy is in the toilet and the big mystic hand of fate hasn't flushed yet.  Worse is coming.  At least, it seems so, if you listen to the news. That being said, who can think about next year's Merry Commercialism season? Apparently, many people, as I was witnessing.

My initial reaction was a judgmental head shake of disbelief.  How can they shop in the face of gloom and doom? But then I had a second reaction.  This one glimmered as a bit of admiration.  These people have faith.  They have heard the same news I have, know the same doomsday scenarios predicted and yet they shop for Christmas 2009.

We have a new baby in our family.  Another classic example of faith.  Every parent knows the horrible thoughts that go through your head during pregnancy.  There are a million things that could go wrong.  Yet, we take the leap of faith and move forward. We take necessary precautions and then close our eyes and leap into the unknown of parenthood.

Faith is foolish.  There is no reason for it.  Because it is not about reason.  It is faith.  Fools rush in.  Welcome to 2009.  No matter what it holds for us economically, it also holds what every other year has always held.  Family, friends, free fun with your kids, and faith in the future.

I bought some Christmas clearance at Walmart today.  I suddenly felt foolishly faith-full that Christmas 2009 would come and I would need more plaid napkins.